Talking Politics at Thanksgiving
Look forward to talking about politics with your family with a set of questions and a book suggestion
Over the next few days, families across the U.S. will be reuniting to celebrate Thanksgiving, welcoming returning college students, distant relatives, and friends into their homes. This gathering marks a time to reconnect as we enter the final stretch of the year, sharing the highs and lows that life presents. After most the major political elections, Thanksgiving provides a rare full day for family members — who may hold different perspectives and seldom share a room — to engage in political discussions in a supportive setting, the home.
While some families avoid these conversations or even have rules against discussing politics — especially with certain relatives known for their passionate views — I encourage you to approach the subject this year. Children in our families are observant and learn from our behaviors, especially those that are ritualistic such as how holidays are celebrated. By being willing to engage in political discussions, we demonstrate the importance of being informed and caring about civic issues, imparting valuable lessons on engagement and empowerment. This is also the basic work that must be done to depolarize and reinvigorate our politics.
In this article, I’ll highlight a few benefits of discussing politics at the Thanksgiving table and provide some questions you can use to spark conversation.
Benefits of Political Discussions During Thanksgiving
Conversations about politics can provide new perspectives and insights. You may have a good understanding of an issue, and where you stand on it, but we all have blind spots, and someone close to you may see the topic in an entirely different way. Getting a chance to form a deeper understanding about where someone else lands on a subject can open your mind to different viewpoints, allow you to have a better all around understanding of an issue, and may ever help you refine how you think about something.
In terms of how to think about entering into political discussion, I like to use an “easy”, less likely to rankle people topic, a “hard” topic that may have people talking about challenging policy/emotional issues, and then a “process” topic to allow for learning about the overall government/participation system, which should allow the expressions from the first two topics to be translated into political action.
The first topic you might broach is relatively neutral and relevant (and perhaps even a bit boring): infrastructure. The U.S. has seen an influx of funding for various infrastructure projects following the passage of the bipartisan Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act. “Infrastructure” encompasses a variety of public works — to drivers, it signifies roads and highways; to public transit users, it’s about trains and buses; and for those focused on environmental concerns, it includes rivers and dams. Essentially, infrastructure touches upon everyone’s quality of life in some way, but not necessarily with the same importance.
A non-confrontational conversation starter for your family gathering, steering clear of overt political overtones, might be:
What types of infrastructure improvements do you think would most benefit your life? Why?
By posing this question, you’ll gain insight into the perceptions of other people at your table on infrastructure, likely broadening your own understanding by considering perspectives from those who experience the world differently than you do. Engaging in this type of conversation often leads to a deeper connection with the other participants, paving the way for the second advantage of these conversations. You’ll likely inspire more information seeking with a subject once you raise it in a family setting. You all might even agree on something and make a plan to reach out to a local city council person about how to best get a desired infrastructure improvement!
- Having even a brief political discussion can underscore the value of being informed and involved in the political process. Demonstrating this behavior during your Thanksgiving gathering can encourage your family to remain politically engaged, to vote, and to find other ways to participate. These conversations can raise awareness about issues that you or others are passionate about, potentially broadening your own interests in unexpected ways.
The second topic has the potential to be more difficult, but political discussions don’t necessarily need to lead to heated debates, even on contentious topics. Consider immigration, for instance: despite various opinions on border enforcement and immigration processing, it’s widely acknowledged that immigrants come to the United States in search of hope and opportunity. This pursuit mirrors the journey of the early settlers celebrated during Thanksgiving, who also arrived seeking a better life. A thoughtfully posed question about this topic can allow for a broader and more meaningful conversation.
Considering the varied reasons people have immigrated to the United States over time, how do you think we should approach policies toward admitting new immigrants? Why?
I’m guessing that people around your table will have varying opinions about this topic. For some, it may be a significant issue, while for others, it might not be as pressing. However, by discussing it, you create an opportunity for everyone to share their viewpoints and to consider those of others. Connecting this to broader civic participation, you can reflect on the stances of the politicians you can vote for — how they handle this issue may influence your support for or against them in the upcoming 2024 elections.
Having intergenerational political discussions with our kids and family members can be a powerful way to deepen our bonds. Respectful political discourse can strengthen relationships, because it shows how to appreciate differing views and how to uncover common values within your family and circle of friends that may not have been immediately obvious.
Discussing issues with and in front of your children allows them to exercise critical thinking skills — that is the bundle of skills that allow for more reasoned decision making. It’s an opportunity for them to understand and consider multiple perspectives on a topic. While much of formal education is focused on learning concrete facts in science, math, or history, engaging in dialogues about complex subjects where there truly are no right or wrong or necessarily “best” answers teaches them to think deeply. By doing this in front of and with them, you show how adults can navigate these discussions respectfully.
While infrastructure might be a straightforward topic, immigration can be more complex. Both have benefits and by doing the easier one first as a warm up, you’ll likely cool down the temperature on the second one. As a final topic, consider exploring the topic of electoral processes. With different states having varying voter registration requirements, both in terms of necessary documentation and the registration timeline, a question to ask at your table could be:
What did it take for you to register to vote? Do you remember the process? Did you choose to register with a party? Do you know how far in advance you needed to do it?
In my experience, children are often surprised to learn that voter registration is necessary and that the requirements vary from state to state, or when a person relocates. They will have questions. Discussing these nuances provides a chance to hear about different experiences and to get into topics like partisanship. Personally, I always make sure to register with a party because I've been politically active in two states with closed primaries, Kansas and New York. In such states, where one party may dominate, the real contest happens during the primary elections. The general election often becomes a mere formality for the chosen candidate of the dominant party, making the primaries the real contest. These details are nearly never covered in high school government class, and many 18 year olds find themselves having to figure out the maze of adulthood at the same time that they must figure out how to wield their own political power.
A final benefit of talking politics over talking politics is developing a tradition of conversation and an openness to questions. Incorporating discussions about difficult or significant topics, or those that might otherwise be avoided, helps to forge stronger bonds within your family. It shows that differing opinions are welcome. This practice of exchanging ideas, knowing that you are in a safe and loving environment, is a powerful way to build a family culture with a strong sense of belonging despite difference. At a time when political discussions have fractured families, by making a practice of respectful conversation possible, you’re doing the work of healing our politics.
If you’re hesitant about political discussions for fear of doing it “wrong”, I have a book recommendation that may help. Dolly Chugh’s “A More JUST Future”. This book inspired me to be more willing to have hard conversations within my own family.
The book can be a resource for those who might feel agitated or guarded when discussing politics. Chugh provides strategies to examine personal beliefs and the systems they are part of, pulling on her expertise in psychology to address the defensive reactions many of us have when facing uncomfortable truths. For instance, the realization that “I should know more about this” can be daunting, and as a defense, many of us choose to ignore such thoughts. However, to progress towards a more effective and kinder future, it’s essential to confront our ignorance and consider the benefits of gaining more knowledge — even if that means an uncomfortable conversation. For those yet to read it, consider it as a holiday gift for friends and family you wish to engage in political discourse with.
For a broader take on navigating challenging conversations, “We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter” by Celeste Headlee is another recommendation. And for a quick guide, listen to Professor Matthew Facciani’s talk from his local library’s Nerd Night on discussing politics during the holidays.
Taking the first step to initiate a discussion is embarking on a path to greater understanding, stronger relationships, and an improved political climate. I wish you all a holiday season filled with love and meaningful conversations.
